They say it will get better. They say not to worry, to keep pushing ahead, to work hard and everything will be fine. They say your second year is better than the first. They say you should know what you're doing by now.
They talk a lot. It annoys the shit out of me. I'm tired of people telling my that things will get better, or that I should be counting my blessings as I'm one of the few who was capable enough to get this far. As far as I'm concerned, this may not be the best decision in my life thus far but I'm stuck with it. Nothing changes around here. It's Eugene for god's sake. Tiny town, bad food, worse bars, no nightlife to speak of, but they do have a plethora of dirty hippies who smell bad and complain a lot. I'm thankful for that; without them I may not have realized just how much I absolutely despise living in this town. This is all exacerbated by the bitter, not quite sour, but definitely putrid taste that law school has left in my mouth thus far. Second year has not been easier. In fact it has been exponentially harder than last year. My workload has easily trippled compared to what I was doing last year and since my grades sucked I got involved in a number of extra curricular as leadership. I also realized that even without the economic downturn I have no money so I got myself a job. Burning the candle at both ends? In the words of Sarah Palin, YOU BETCHA!!
It's interesting to see my social relations this year. Last year I was stuck with the same 60 people for all of my classes, and hung out with mostly 1L's. There was a sense of camaraderie, of shared misery, a feeling that we were all in this thing together and it would be okay. As time marched on I felt like I had made some decent friends here and was pretty stoked to see how my life as a 2L would piece together. Remember how I said I've overextended myself? Apparently so has everybody else. I see people, give a nod or say "what's up" in passing but never really making any new connection or rekindling that sense of safety in numbers I had last year. I rarely see people I want to see anymore and I can safely say that I'm pretty sure I'm in this on my own.
This sense of isolation leads into a second issue. When I go out now, I decide that I need to get excessively drunk and become ludicrously inappropriate, specifically to people I don't know. For example, a few weeks ago after a football game where I was involved in something called "the Jaeger circle" I went to a shitty undergrad bar that I hate (but keep going back to) called Taylors. While there my friend decided we should hit on girls. Not one to back down from a challenge I agreed to play wingman for two girls who were really pretty and obviously out of my friend's league. I however approach such situations with an unfounded sense of optimism figuring that if I get shot down by enough hot girls one of them will eventually say yes. Thoroughly belligerent already, we go and strike up a conversation and the girl I'm talking to is smoking hot. I mean, really, really hot. However, she was also really, really vapid. A complete waste of space who was breathing oxygen that I rightfully deserved more than she did. I decided to cut her off mid-sentence by shushing her and saying, "You. Stop talking." She looked at me slightly stunned, so I continued. "No, I mean it. You need to stop talking. You are entirely to stupid to be talking to somebody like me. You need to go over there, now," and I then point to the corner of the bar. My friend turned to me in complete shock, the girl's jaw he was hitting on dropped. I remained unfazed. I know that I have a deep and profound ability to be a raging asshole when I want to, but usually I keep it in check. Unfortunately it's been rearing its head a bit more often recently.
So you get through this post, and are thinking, "Man. This kid should just drop out already. He hates everything." I ask you, am I being negative? Yes. Do I care? Not particularly. The way I see it I should be honest about how I feel about this whole situation. Yeah, I do have good days and bad days, but the majority of this year has been one long bad day thus far. I'm not a "silver lining" kind of person so I just kind of roll with the punches, put on a smiling face, and keep going. So what do I have to say to you? You are one of "they" so then, you. Stop talking. No, seriously. Stop talking. I don't want to hear one more word of your inane drivel. Go sit in the corner, stare at the wall, and bore it to death with your worthless advice. I'm not listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment